Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i think i just lost a toe
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
