Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
