If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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