is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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