Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
