Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
