We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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