I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
