Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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