so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need to calm my uterus...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
