just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
