It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
