My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
