why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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