My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
