sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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