hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
