I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
