Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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