This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
