his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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