I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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