We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
