Buhtt sex?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
