Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
