YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
