He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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