I wannas sexs uuuuu
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
