I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
