So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
