the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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