Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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