You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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