How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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