another moral hangover. fuck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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