If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize