I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
