Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
