Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
