Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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