Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
