Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
