What a fucking waste of an outfit
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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