i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
