Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
