i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
