I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
