it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
