ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize