so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
