Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
