I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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