none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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