he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
