Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
