well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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