The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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