So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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