I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
