Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
