i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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