Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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