come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
