when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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