I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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