Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
