Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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