apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
