she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
