My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
