I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
