i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
